There for You
by stagemanagerflynn
Summary: Your friends are always there for you, but when you find out their dirty little secrets can you ever be close again.  Hanna/Emily , Hanna/Spencer
1. Chapter 1

"Hanna you are just so, how do I say this, I think I," Emily said.

Emily leaned in and Hanna jump back.

"What are you doing.!" Hanna screamed.

"I just, I have to go."

Hanna didn't know what to do so she called Spencer.

Spencer walked in the door nervously.

"Hannah, are you okay, I got your 911 text what's going on."

Spencer walked outside only to find Hanna sitting on her porch steps with her knees pulled to her chest. Spencer sat beside her,

"What happened?" She whispered.

"Emily tried to, kiss me." Hanna shuddered.

"Did she say why?" Spencer asked

"She said something about me being like Ali." Hanna said

Spencer laughed

"It's not funny," Hanna said

"I'm sorry, it'll be okay." Spencer replied

At the same time Spencer's text alert went off.

It was the text from A. It read "you're such a good friend, if only you could be a better sister. -A."

"I'm a horrible person." Spencer said softly.

"No you're not, you came over here to help me didn't you." Hanna said

"If you only knew." Spencer said

A./N.-

I hope you like it, please comment.

-Ashley Kyle. 3


	2. Chapter 2

"I have done way worse things than you could ever think of doing."

Hanna replied

"Did you take two boyfriends from your sister and never told her?"

"Maybe not that bad but trust me, I've done bad things."

Spencer tilted her head down. Lately she was realizing what a bad person she was, especially now that Ian was living in her backyard. She told Hanna about Wren and Ian and Ali. She told her how the last few days before she disappeared, Ali really tortured her about what happened between her and Ian. She told her how, how she, how she hated Ali so much those few days that she might have done something horrible.

"You're not a killer Spence." Hanna said quickly and surley

"Maybe there's a reason that the cops are only seeing me as a suspect. Maybe they know that I did something bad." Spencer said before breaking down and crying.

All the years that Hanna knew her she had never see her cry. Hanna cried all the time. When she had problems with boys (boys being Lucas, Caleb and Sean). Hanna cried when she had just eaten 2 donuts and realized that she had to continue her ritual, a ritual that would tie her and Ali together forever.

"I'm bulimic.'' Hanna said without thinking about it.

''What.'' Spencer replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Hanna couldn't stand to look up at Spencer. She could feel Spencer staring at her. What was Hanna supposed to say, I force myself to throw up every time I eat.

Hanna took a deep breath and said the haunting words again

"I'm bulimic."

The words stung Spencer's ears. Bulimic, Hanna Marin was _bulimic._ She had always heard about models and girls in other towns with eating disorders, but not in the small town of Rosewood, Pennsylvania. Now she finally knew what –A had on Hanna.

"Hanna that's so dangerous." Spencer spoke softly but firmly trying to get through to Hanna.

"If I go back to being Hefty Hanna..." Hanna stopped, just the thought made her want to die.

Spencer put her hand on Hanna's back and Hanna moved away. She promptly stood up, patted her eyes with a tissue and began to walk away. She spun on her heel and looked back at Spencer and said

"Don't even think about telling Aria and Emily."

Spencer replied "not until you stop killing yourself."

Hanna always knew she was killing herself but hearing it being said out loud scared her.

"Well that's not going to happen any time soon, so if you want me to keep your secret you have to keep mine." Hanna said like the cold-hearted bitch Ali was.

Spencer was worried but she knew that wasn't who Hanna was. Hanna was caring, sarcastic, nice and even when she was chubby she was still so pretty. Then as she heard the door slam Spencer felt something change in her. She felt like Peter Parker the morning after he got bitten by the spider, it was different but she wasn't sure it was a bad different.


	4. Chapter 4

Hanna walked into her kitchen and opened her cabinet. It was full of dried fruit on the out side but behind the gross dried apple slices were Cheetos and Cheez-itz galore. She grabbed one of the boxes and ran into her bathroom. She sat in the corner shoving handful after handful of cheese snack into her mouth when she finally finished the box she knew what she had to do. She had to continue the ritual that kept her and Ali tied together for ever, in life and death.

Just as she was about to push a toothbrush into the back of her throat the doorbell rang.

"Just A Minuet." She yelled from the bathroom hoping who ever was there could hear her.

She quickly finished pushing the toothbrush far back enough so the fountain of orange vomit came out of her mouth. She could hear foot steps but she was completely drained of energy. The footsteps were light but a little strong, not from weight but from muscle. The kind of muscle of a runner or _a swimmer. _Hanna scrambled for the door, putting her back against it hoping that if Emily couldn't find her she'd leave. She heard a knock at the bathroom door.

"Hanna, are you in there?" Emily asked through the door.

Hanna quickly wiped the tears from her face and began to brush her teeth. She opened the mirrored cabinet so she wouldn't have to look at herself but instead she was faced with the razor blade that she used to cut herself. She closed the cabinet and rinsed her mouth with water then Listerine but instead of spiting the mouth wash in the sink she swallowed it hoping to get little buzzed from the alcohol in it. She looked at herself, at what she had become. A clone of Ali, this wasn't who she was but she could never ever go back to that person. She had experienced being Hefty Hanna and Ali's clone even though she hated becoming Ali she hated Hefty Hanna even more. Emily slowly opened the bathroom door but Hanna didn't notice because she was crying. She hated seeing Hanna this way and she hated thinking that she couldn't protect her or help her. Hanna looked up at Emil and she saw how much she had hurt her.

"Emily I need to tell you something." Hanna said, she felt that she needed to be honest with Emily especially now.

"What is it?" Emily asked wondering if Hanna would tell her the real reason she was crying.

" I ran didn't run away from you because I was mad that you kissed me, I ran because I was scared that I would become even more like Ali and toy with your emotions liked she did after you kissed her." Hanna said barely looking at Emily.

Emily sat down next to Hanna and thought about how she should respond.

Should she tell her that she was nothing like Ali and that is why she had feelings for her. Should she admit to her that she swore that she would _never_ act on her feelings again and always let the other person make the first move. Emily realized that she had broken all of her rules for Hanna, but Hanna had already broken her own rules for Caleb.

Emily was always jealous of Hanna's boyfriends, weather it was Sean, Caleb or even Lucas, who had never actually dated Hanna but everybody knew how he felt except for Hanna. She could be so oblivious to peoples feeling that it was almost funny that she had never expected Emily to kiss her. Secretly Emily was happy that Mona threw away Caleb's letter to Hanna. Even though Hanna was completely unaware of how people felt about her, if Caleb had told her that he loved her she would probably get back together with him because Aria, Spencer, and Emily all knew that Caleb adored Hanna and he always treated her like a princess, except the spying on her for a bitchy blind girl.

Emily broke out into uncontrollable laughter thinking about the time when Hanna bitch slapped Jenna. Hanna just looked up at her wondering if she was laughing at her.

"Whats so funny?" Hanna asked dreading the answer.

"In this past 6 or 7 months you have brought a flask to a funeral, stolen a car, stolen medical files and slapped a blind girl. Who else but Hanna Marin could do that?" Emily said still laughing.

Hanna smiled and put her head on Emily's shoulder. She was right who else but Hanna Marin.


	5. Chapter 5

How was she supposed to tell some one who thought she was so perfect that she was anything but. Even though she didn't have feelings for Emily, or she thought she didn't, she couldn't tell her something so terrible and expect her to be okay with it. She didn't even know how to tell her. When she blurted out one Dirty Secret to Spencer she only did it to keep her from losing her mind.

Hanna had convinced her self if she said that she could get past her problems enough times she would start to believe it, but that was never the case now was it.

"Em, why now? Why would you all of a sudden get the confidence to kiss me?" Hanna said, so softly she wasn't sure that Emily had heard her until she heard the voice that always calmed her.

Emily took in a sharp breath and spoke softly but Surely.

"After we all started talking again, after they found Ali's body, I realized something. After I kissed Ali, and she treated me so badly I programmed my mind to suppress and feeling for any girl, especially if she was my friend. It really worked until I talked to you again. I started to feel different around you. At first I told my self that it would go away and I was just nervous from everything going on and with A watching our every move. Then we started talking everyday and telling each other every thing and I felt like there was something I wasn't admitting to my self. When I got drunk that night of the Dance-A-Thon I was finally admitting my feelings and I got really scared and just snapped at you. You don't know how bad I felt, but that night I wrote two letters, one to my self and one to you."

Emily took one sealed envelope from her swimming bag. She put the one for Hanna in front of her and reopened the one she had written to her self.

"I found them two nights ago when I was cleaning out my old swimming stuff and when I read mine I just knew that I couldn't keep lying, to you and me."

Hanna slowly sat up and reached for the letter and her hand lightly grazed Emily's leg and she felt _something_, something she couldn't explain. You know that feeling when your about to get your grade from the math test that you didn't study for. Sure you never chose a certain subject that was your favorite but never imagined you'd like Math. Except this wasn't math class this was about Hanna and if she was gay or bi. There was never a time that Hanna ever labeled her self gay or straight, she was one of those people who believed that you fall in love with who you fall in love with. If that person was Emily then it was Emily. Hanna had known that she loved Caleb but she wasn't completely sure that she was _in love_ with him. She slowly opened the envelope and began to read it in her head.

_**Hanna, because of you I'm drunk off my ass right now. It's not just because you brought the flask to a SCHOOL event. Speaking of your habit to bring alcohol to the worst places at the worst time, it needs to stop before some one seriously gets hurt. I didn't drink what ever the fuck you gave me because I was upset about Maya I did it because I saw you and Sean and then you and Lucas. I knew that I could never have what I really want, You. I may never tell you to your face but I can't hide it any more, it hurts to see you with guys and it kills me to see them make you happy because I know that you will never feel the same way I do. Every time any guy makes you cry I feel a sense that I'm just a tinny bit closer to having you swear off guys forever or at least give girls a try. I have to go puke or pass out or both, but I just want you to know that you are nothing like Alison.**_

_** Emily**_

Hanna was lost for words, what was she supposed to say, I might feel the same way. I might actually have feelings for a girl. That girl was Emily Fields.

**A/N- I hope you liked it. I still feel mind fucked from the season finale. I have an idea for a new story but I'm not sure if I'll post it. I have it written out and it involves Hanna and Fitz (it isn't Hanna and him dating, its Ezria, very much) if you'd like to read the first chapter, drop me a pm or an email **

**My eamil address: jmfx18 (at symbol) optonline . net (minus the spaces) **

**and I'll message you back the background and the first half of ch 1.**

** Love Always,**

** Ashley **


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